Operation: Destroy Cankles

I’ve decided this is the year that I’m going to wear shorts, folks. 

You don’t understand how big of a deal this is for me.  Because these legs?  Haven’t seen the light of day since 1999.

Let’s face it.  Only about 2.63% of the female population actually look good in shorts.  They have got to be the most unflattering piece of clothing ever created after the belly shirt and whatever “trend” Old Navy has thought up for the season.

Shorts are impossible to shop for because there is no standard style like pants.  Every pair is cut differently.  And finding the right length?  Forget about it…  There are only two lengths: hooker short and geriatric long.

Plus you can never sit down wearing shorts.  Not only will your thighs spread to a disgusting size and get that rubberband mark from where the hem is cutting into your skin, but in the summer heat they will stick to every smooth surface you encounter and you’ll be constantly peeling them off chairs like (insert crass analogy).

But, alas, now that I’m a mom… doing mom things… outside… with her kid… in the summer heat…  I’ve got to give up and wave my denim flag.  Because damn, it’s hot!

But before I can expose my reclusive appendages, there is one little thing that needs to be addressed.  And that is… the cankles.  Dum-dum-dum-dum.

Yes, the cankle.  For those of you unfamiliar, the cankle is the ankle of a fat person in which the ankle and the calf appear seamless.  Thanks, Urban Dictionary.  Screw you.

Now, I don’t consider myself particularly heavy.  Matter of fact, I’m actually back in my pre-pregnancy pants. *score*  However, my legs have never been particularly svelt.  Which would be why I’ve been hiding them under layers of denim since I was grown up enough to acknowledge that the world need not be exposed to such a sight.  But if I’m going to give in and start wearing shorts, the bottom half is going to need a little revamping.

Enter the c25k.  Dum-dum-dum-dum.

At my office we have a workout room.  It consists of some free weights, an elliptical, and two treadmills that only speak Spanish.  Since I recognize the fact that I will not run after getting home from work, I thought I better make good use of my lunch break.  And instead of chugging Dr Pepper for an hour; run some of the jiggle out of these here thighs.

I’m not making any promises that I won’t give up tomorrow next week, but I’ve always been kinda jealous of people that run and wish I could be one too.  So, here goes nothing. 

And if you want to suffer along with me, check out Cool Running’s Couch to 5k training schedule for details.

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24 Responses to Operation: Destroy Cankles

  1. A Mommy in the City says:

    I am not a fan of my legs either and hate wearing shorts. I started going to the gym in January and am pleased with the results although not done yet! Good luck! BTW I am your newest follower with a rec from Emily at Nap Time is My Time.

  2. Kristy says:

    Yay! Let's suffer together!! :) C25K all the way baby! Oh, and I perfer the geriatric lenght shorts myself. Or capri pants, even better

  3. Ryan and Kim says:

    i need to go back to running too!

  4. KLZ says:

    Shorts and the horrors they present are precisely why I own so many dresses. Shorts are evil; I refuse to shop for them.

  5. Julie K says:

    A gym in the office for free…I am so jealous. Good for you! You have my support and can sound off to me anytime!

  6. LOVE the ‘tude!
    The slovenly me over here, has a gym in my house, fortunately its on the other side of the house so it doesn’t have clothes hanging over it, which would be really bad.
    I am sitting here in my ankle length jeans as i type – in Boca, in Florida, and its at least 90 out 😉

    • Jen says:

      I prolly need to post an update to shame myself into getting back on the ball because I’ve attempted week 2 of c25k at least twice and have yet to actually buy shorts. *sigh*

  7. Jill says:

    Be gone cankles. Be gone! I’ve not signed myself up for any “k” anything, but I have committed to walking every. single. day. And I’m up to over 3 miles a day now.

    PS Here from By Words time travel Tuesday.

    • Jen says:

      That’s great! The furthest I’m walking these days is to my car. Granted I do have to park on the other end of the earth at work.

  8. I loved reading this – first of all – I’m stopping in from over at Time travel Tuesday at By word of Mouth – and Secondly – it is so true about shorts!!!! Thridly – how are you doing with runnign? I enjoy it now – but it took about 2 years of doing it before I enjoyed it! So how’s it going now that’s it been a while since you wrote this? I would love to have a blogging/running friend :)

    • Jen says:

      Ummmm…. Yeah. Let’s just say I’m on week 2. Still.

      And I’m impressed. 2 years before you enjoyed it?! I’ll only do something I hate for about 15 minutes before giving up. I need someone like you chaining me to a treadmill everyday!

  9. C.Mom says:

    Go you!!! And seriously, cankles. Someone has too much time on their hands coming up with this stuff! Take the running slow… it will come.

  10. I’m thinking about doing couch to 5k when it cools down here. I may have even moved past the thinking stage into the planning stage!

    • Jen says:

      Yeah, obviously I wrote this post awhile back and I’ve yet to actually get past week 2. I blame the Spanish-speaking treadmills at work. It’s very de-motivating to see everything in km. Oh, and Target for not having cute shorts. Because I’m too lazy to get my butt to another store.

  11. Karen says:

    Stopping by from Time Travel Tuesday. I stumbled, already followed and Google +1 you! My post is http://practicalfrugality.blogspot.com/2011/07/earn-it-learn-it-teach-your-child.html

  12. instead of the yoga pants I’ve been sporting I decided to wear new work out shorts to the gym yesterday, it wasn’t pretty…for anyone…
    I will never wear shorts again…
    until I lose more weight

    • Jen says:

      It’s not just that they look bad on almost everyone… I’m also really sick of watching people pick them out of their ass.

  13. I love wearing shorts. I just don’t look down at my legs often.

    Stopping from Time Travel Tuesday!

  14. Meghan says:

    haha love this, I wore short this year too, except I had more a a I don’t give a S*it attitude.

  15. Love this post! I, too, despise my legs in shorts due to the thighs oozing when sitting down. So I resort to summer skirts. I also discovered the yoga skirt – you can’t even tell it has shorts underneath. Stopping by from the time travel.

    • Jen says:

      I love that idea, but I always struggle with footwear. I like casual shoes, but they don’t work so well with skirts…

  16. Oh yes, the shoe dilemma. I usually just rock the casual flip-flip with my skirts, much to the dismay of Stacy and Clinton (of “What Not to Wear” fame), I’m sure. :)

  17. […] months ago I wrote this post about how this was going to be the Year of the Shorts.  I was pumped.  I was ready.  I was HOT.  […]

  18. 2012 Goals | says:

    […] You all may know that I’m not the best with following through on things.  For example… c25k, home improvement projects, crafting, and more.  Oh so many […]