I’ve decided this is the year that I’m going to wear shorts, folks.
You don’t understand how big of a deal this is for me. Because these legs? Haven’t seen the light of day since 1999.
Let’s face it. Only about 2.63% of the female population actually look good in shorts. They have got to be the most unflattering piece of clothing ever created after the belly shirt and whatever “trend” Old Navy has thought up for the season.
Shorts are impossible to shop for because there is no standard style like pants. Every pair is cut differently. And finding the right length? Forget about it… There are only two lengths: hooker short and geriatric long.
Plus you can never sit down wearing shorts. Not only will your thighs spread to a disgusting size and get that rubberband mark from where the hem is cutting into your skin, but in the summer heat they will stick to every smooth surface you encounter and you’ll be constantly peeling them off chairs like (insert crass analogy).
But, alas, now that I’m a mom… doing mom things… outside… with her kid… in the summer heat… I’ve got to give up and wave my denim flag. Because damn, it’s hot!
But before I can expose my reclusive appendages, there is one little thing that needs to be addressed. And that is… the cankles. Dum-dum-dum-dum.
Yes, the cankle. For those of you unfamiliar, the cankle is the ankle of a fat person in which the ankle and the calf appear seamless. Thanks, Urban Dictionary. Screw you.
Now, I don’t consider myself particularly heavy. Matter of fact, I’m actually back in my pre-pregnancy pants. *score* However, my legs have never been particularly svelt. Which would be why I’ve been hiding them under layers of denim since I was grown up enough to acknowledge that the world need not be exposed to such a sight. But if I’m going to give in and start wearing shorts, the bottom half is going to need a little revamping.
Enter the c25k. Dum-dum-dum-dum.
At my office we have a workout room. It consists of some free weights, an elliptical, and two treadmills that only speak Spanish. Since I recognize the fact that I will not run after getting home from work, I thought I better make good use of my lunch break. And instead of chugging Dr Pepper for an hour; run some of the jiggle out of these here thighs.
I’m not making any promises that I won’t give up
tomorrow next week, but I’ve always been kinda jealous of people that run and wish I could be one too. So, here goes nothing.
And if you want to suffer along with me, check out Cool Running’s Couch to 5k training schedule for details.