If I die, I’m suing Target

Three months ago I wrote this post about how this was going to be the Year of the Shorts.  I was pumped.  I was ready.  I was HOT.  Because even people up in the frozen tundra now know, you could die wearing jeans in these 100+° temperatures.

Well, it’s nearly the end of July and I’ve yet to actually procure a pair of shorts, let alone prepare my body for the horror of wearing such torturous apparel.  But it’s not entirely my fault.  I swear.

First, I blame Target for not stocking any appropriate length shorts in practical colors/fabrics.  I have yet to actually determine what those might have been, but I am certain that they aren’t fake denim or urine khaki.  And because I ONLY shop at Target, their lack of selection has robbed me of any ability to purchase shorts that I may or may not have actually worn.

However, the Hispanic treadmills deserve a portion of the blame as well.  The non-sensical kmph/mph (Which is it?  I don’t know…) measurements were highly demotivating and I gave up on c25k on week 2.  Twice.

But I haven’t totally given up yet.  I’m holding out hope that one morning I’ll wake up knowing the metric system and stumble upon the perfect pair of bermuda shorts that cost less than $20 at Target.  But if that doesn’t happen?  There’s always next year.

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5 Responses to If I die, I’m suing Target

  1. annabelle says:

    Girl … I got you.

    Your first mistake? Target. Cute clothes? Yes. Clothes for people who don’t love their bodies in all it’s unperfectness? No.

    Get yourself to a KMART. Yeah, I said it.

    Shorts of various lengths, and by various I mean longer. Materials and waistbands.

    Even I – the lady who LOATHES shorts (due to thighs for days and knees that just aren’t pretty) found several pairs that I could live with.

    good luck

    • Jen says:

      I’m not above shopping at Kmart, but the one by us is GAH-HET-TO. Their selection was limited to coochie cutters and grandma shorts.

  2. Julie says:

    JC Penney is just across the street; small selection probably, but worth a try.

  3. Lala says:

    Lol!! This is funny!! I’m not big on shorts myself. I’m one of those people who feel like people after a certain age and certain type of legs (especially) should avoid wearing them. BUT, in this type of heat that most places are having, you do what you have to do to survive!! LOL

  4. […] couple of months ago I mentioned that I only shop at Target.  There’s a good reason.  Besides anything not at Target isn’t worth […]