Heavy Heart

It’s been more than two weeks since we returned home from our glamorous Wisconsin vacation.  Ten glorious days with my family (and no cat whining for food at 5am).  Ten solid days of being with my sweet girl.

When it came time to return to work, I knew it would be a little tough to leave her, but I had no idea how hard it would be.  I expected the first day to be rough, but what I didn’t expect was for it to not get better.

This past Monday as I was trying to leave my girl, there were many ”Mama, okay!” several “Allison go, too!” and lots and lots of tears.  And not just hers.

It breaks my heart to leave her when she wants to be with me so badly.  And even though I know she is in good care, I want to be the one taking her to the park…  feeding her lunch…  reading her stories.

I know that being a stay at home mom isn’t all fairy tales and puppy dogs. 

I remember how long the days are when you are the only one home all day with an 11 month old and you are singing Wiggles songs in your head to drown out the screaming toddler that is throwing a tantrum because she doesn’t want to wear those shoes.

I remember how difficult it is to get anything done with a small ninja crawling around the house looking for ways to kill herself.

I remember how exhausted I was by the time nap rolled around that I couldn’t think of doing anything other than parking it in front of the TV for the rest. of. my. life.

I’d give up my quiet days in an office and disposable income to have all of that again.  Because when she wraps her little arms around my neck, nothing else seems to matter.

But I can’t.  Because I have a responsibility to my family.  And we need my income to survive.

However, I know that this is where I belong right now.  That my job is doing more than providing us with financial support.  And just like being unemployed for two years taught me so much about living simpler and more intentionally, working full-time is teaching me to be more efficient and organized.

And someday, I hope to return to the trenches of SAHMs and I know that I will be a better mom because of it.

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3 Responses to Heavy Heart

  1. Sometimes I think it’s tougher on the mom than the kids… Stay strong..
    I’ve Become My Mother
    I’ve Become My Mother facebook
    Kelly Lininger recently posted..Mom and Daughters’ Trip – Mt. Vernon & Arlington

    • Jen says:

      I would agree with that. After I leave, she cries for a few minutes and then is fine. I, on the other hand, am still beating myself up about it…

  2. Shell says:

    You are doing what is best for your family. *hugs*
    Shell recently posted..Down the Aisle and the Hot Seat

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