I’m a little late posting today because I just can’t seem to get my brain focused.
So what did I do instead? I spent approximately 3.2 hours on the internet searching for reasons why this gluten-free business isn’t helping my brain fog.
Or more precisely, justifications for eating an entire Totino’s Party Pizza.
While most of the time the restrictions aren’t a hinderance, there are moments of weakness when all I want is to devour an entire box of Chees Its.
Because what I’ve noticed is that wheat keeps me feeling full and satisfied and I’m really not digging this hungry all the time crap. And when I’m hungry is when I want to dive into a vat of processed food products.
I’m sure 99% of it is psychosomatic. I haven’t felt deprived by any of the gluten-free meals I have prepared in the last five weeks. But in between meals, I find myself daydreaming about all the things I can’t have, which are all incidentally things I wouldn’t want to put into my body anyway.
I haven’t had a Totino’s Pizza in YEARS, but when I saw them in the freezer case the other day, I started dreaming of walking on rainbows atop a unicorn eating that airy, crispy crust topped with melting cheese that was a staple of my childhood.
Then the guilt of having impure food thoughts makes me want to go even more extreme and start eating only food that I slay with my two own hands. Or go GAPS.
But I know that if I’m struggling with the deprivation of GF, then I’d turn into a lunatic on GAPS and even if my gut miraculously heals itself, I’m much more stable on 80mg of Prednisone than without Dr Pepper.
(If you’ve never been in a room with someone on high dose steroids, it’s kinda like being inside a chihuahua’s brain. At least that’s how I imagine it because you’re hyper and jumpy and ready to rip someone’s carotid artery out of their throat if they. don’t. give. you. that. cookie. NOW.)
So, I don’t see this exclusive GF diet lasting much past my original 6 week commitment. But I’m okay with that because I did it. I didn’t cheat (intentionally). I didn’t fail. I just decided that the effort isn’t worth the payoff.
I’ve learned a lot since starting this 5 weeks ago. I’ve tried new recipes, changed old habits, and taken other strides towards improving my health so it definitely wasn’t a wasted effort.
And now for what may potentially be my last gluten-free meal plan…
Breakfasts are more oatmeal, yogurt, granola, fruit, and hard-boiled eggs. Sigh.
Lunches are leftovers and more salads. Although I made a fresh batch of vanilla vinaigrette, so I’m actually pretty excited about salads.
Dinners will be less planned this week because Matt is closing several nights again and we are going out with friends one of the nights he is off. But I am making a meatloaf and testing a gluten-free fish stick recipe. The rest of Allison and I’s meals will be leftovers and snacky stuff.