I’ve been being held captive by Facebook

A while ago, I had the itch to write a blog post telling all six of my loyal readers what I was up to with all the free time that I used to spend planning, prepping, writing, editing, and overall driving myself crazy to run this blog.  Then I forgot.  And now it’s been something like six weeks or 15 hours and I can’t remember any of it.

But thankfully, I have an iPhone, which means that I have the internet, a camera, and texting capabilities in my pocket most of the time.  However, when I started going back through the documentation, I realized that I haven’t really done anything that noteworthy these past few months.  At least nothing worth sharing on Facebook.  And seriously, if it doesn’t exist on Facebook, does it really exist?*

But because I can’t write an update without any actual updates, here are the high-lights as I remember them.  Which may or may not be totally accurate.

  • We bought a cow.  Well, not a whole cow.  Half a cow, which we split with our neighbors.  I tried to convince my nephew that we had the front end of a cow wheeling itself around our backyard in a cart because it had no hind end, but I guess by the time you are 5, you are jaded and no longer believe in magical cow fronts.
  • Whatever free time I don’t spend watching The Tudors, I’ve been spending in the garden.  And it *might* actually be paying off.  So far we have harvested lettuce, onions, beans, sugar snap peas, a couple of sungold tomatoes, and a watermelon.  Which was AWESOME.  Being a volunteer plant, we weren’t quite sure where it came from, so when I cut it open, I did a happy dance because it was the best possible outcome.  A yellow variety that I’m pretty sure I had purchased at last year’s farmers market.  DELICIOUS.  And much better than the volunteer squash that turned out to be gourds that has taken over the beans.
  • I attended the Sustainable Backyard Tour a few weeks ago and now I want to raise chickens.  But Matt won’t let me.  Because he’s a chicken racist.  Or is trying to save me from myself.  But I’ll play along until he finishes my “Pimp Our Yard” project list, then I’m totally buying a chicken tractor.
  • I’ve spent the last month working with a different department at my company as what you could call an assistant to the assistants.  Which means that I spend the bulk of my days filling out Excel sheets and copying/pasting.  But at least the days go by faster, even if I’m blind by the end after looking at Excel grids for 8 hours.
  • In a ballsy move, I stopped taking my immunosuppressants.  And I didn’t die.  And my brain fog is even a little better.  All of which I think was made possible by taking fermented cod liver oil supplements.  I swear, it’s not near as gross as it sounds.  
  • I’ve almost all but given up on cooking, cleaning, and the like.  Before The Heat Wave, we pretty much only slept inside.  And I kinda liked it.  Although I did spend some time getting caught up around the house while I was off last week and it was Satan Hot.  But every time I turned around, something else was broken or needed cleaning, so I’ve decided the safest thing is to not look around.

And that’s where my memory stops.  Although, there have been some fun playdates and outings, which you can see pictures of on Instagram or my personal Facebook page.  And if you really love me, you can go through my old FB feed and comment on my old statuses that were hidden away from the world.  Or maybe I should keep them hidden so some day when I’m dead, they** can be all, “we found previously unearthed social media documentation from the deceased!” and it’ll be worth millions.  Or something.

Ok, now I’m just rambling, but at least now I can be validated in spending $125 in hosting fees for a blog that I barely use anymore.  Although, isn’t that what the Internet is for?  Rambling and cat videos?

*For an undetermined amount of time, I had been unknowingly posting Facebook statuses for “only me” and after a couple of weeks/months/years I had actually begun to feel pretty awful about myself because no one was there telling me how awesome I was for making mint chip ice cream FROM SCRATCH.  I’m pretty sure this is some new variety of Stockholm Syndrome or something.  And if I didn’t love Facebook so much, I’d totally sue for mental anguish or reparations.  BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, WHO POSTS ON FACEBOOK ONLY FOR THEMSELVES?!!

**I’m not really sure who “they” is, but I presume “they” would be important people that want to give my heirs money for being decended from Awesome.  Ok, I really need to stop now.  I’m getting delusional.

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3 Responses to I’ve been being held captive by Facebook

  1. I’m sitting here thinking I have mommy brain without the kids. We are also thinking about splitting a cow with friends – we eat a lot of beef. And I also have stopped doing chores and just choose not to look too hard around the house…total ostrich, that’s me. Good luck to both of us!

  2. I really need to get a bigger freezer so I can buy half a cow…
    This heat in STL has made me so unmotivated…my poor garden hasn’t been touched.

    • Jen says:

      It’s always so exciting to meet readers from STL! And yes, the heat/drought is KILLING our garden, but fortunately we don’t have any restrictions on water usage, so we’ve been watering sometimes twice a day to keep things alive. Still, some rain would be great!